That's what my parents would often say whenever I turned to them, hoping for a little encouragement or reassurance. And till today, the story remains the same. With these words drilled into my head from young, it's hard to ever imagine if I could ever amount to anything more than what I currently amount to. I can't tell for sure whether I am destructing myself with my self-defeatist mentality, or whether I really am such a mediocre person that I can never ever do anything right.
Why did those 2 people have to do this to me? Why nurture me to be such a miserable, pathetic little creature. Why couldn't either of you just say "Good Job" when I deserved it? Maybe I really didn't. But no child is born an imbecile right? I couldn't possibly have been exceptional and born a rotten apple right? But then again almost every teacher I ever had had something negative to say about me. Oh especially my lower secondary form teacher who even told my best friend's parents to make sure their daughter stayed away from me because I was a "rotten apple". “烂萍果”, she said.
I mean, as crappy a creature as I am, those words hurt. All that rejection hurts. They all really do hurt. The way you all stupid fucking adults have treated me has wounded me deeply, and I hope time will heal me. But I think it will be a long time.
Lots say that I can't take criticism, and I can't take rejection. Yes I can't take all these things ANYMORE! Please stop burying me with them because one day, I will suffocate and die. And my blood will be on the hands of all of you.
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