You're Nothing

That's what my parents would often say whenever I turned to them, hoping for a little encouragement or reassurance. And till today, the story remains the same. With these words drilled into my head from young, it's hard to ever imagine if I could ever amount to anything more than what I currently amount to. I can't tell for sure whether I am destructing myself with my self-defeatist mentality, or whether I really am such a mediocre person that I can never ever do anything right.

Why did those 2 people have to do this to me? Why nurture me to be such a miserable, pathetic little creature. Why couldn't either of you just say "Good Job" when I deserved it? Maybe I really didn't. But no child is born an imbecile right? I couldn't possibly have been exceptional and born a rotten apple right? But then again almost every teacher I ever had had something negative to say about me. Oh especially my lower secondary form teacher who even told my best friend's parents to make sure their daughter stayed away from me because I was a "rotten apple". “烂萍果”, she said.

I mean, as crappy a creature as I am, those words hurt. All that rejection hurts. They all really do hurt. The way you all stupid fucking adults have treated me has wounded me deeply, and I hope time will heal me. But I think it will be a long time.

Lots say that I can't take criticism, and I can't take rejection. Yes I can't take all these things ANYMORE! Please stop burying me with them because one day, I will suffocate and die. And my blood will be on the hands of all of you.

Y'know

I wish people could understand that some things are harder for me than they are for other people.

Damaged Goods

You break your things as you throw them around.
Plastic broken, wood is chipped, as they hit the ground.
Maybe it hurts for them
Maybe it hurts for them

I think I see bits of glass lying over there.
Are you gonna clear them up, or perhaps not care?
The glass might cut
The glass might cut

Can’t be used cuz they’re damaged goods.
Damaged and broken, can’t be used.

When you first saw me I was beautiful.
Maybe even the best thing to happen to you.
You forgot
You forgot

I’m not a shirt from the department store.
Not some lousy shelf, lamp, chair that’s been used before.
But a child
Only a child

A child’s been thrown around like a ragdoll.
Head split open guts strewn over your whitewashed floors.
What more do you expect?
What more do you expect?

Can’t be used cuz they’re damaged goods.
Damaged and broken, can’t be used.