Monday, January 18, 2010
Fuck Off
Fuck off everyone. Yes I'm loopy and crazy and fucked up. But I don't need people who don't know jack shit to come and make me feel worse. Just fuck off.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Band? Band of what?
Do you guys even want this as much as I do? If not, why am I trying so hard? Here I am putting in effort to plan and co-ordinate with everyone so that things can work out and some can tell me, "it's okay. Leave us out of the band photo. Sorry we can't make it cuz of short notice." What, so this is now a feel-like or don't-feel-like thing? I'm willing to sacrifice my time or effort to do whatever to make things work for the whole BAND and this is the kinda response I get?
And just when I think I've got everything planned and to suit everyone's fancies, somebody calls me at the last minute to say, "Oops sorry, perhaps I can't make it after all." At the end of the day, not a word of thanks from anyone either.
Nobody else takes the initiative to plan jamming, or band meetings. Am I the only one who's taking this seriously? Or does everyone else think it's just a for fun thing to sing songs and have fun on stage? Fuck this shit.
And just when I think I've got everything planned and to suit everyone's fancies, somebody calls me at the last minute to say, "Oops sorry, perhaps I can't make it after all." At the end of the day, not a word of thanks from anyone either.
Nobody else takes the initiative to plan jamming, or band meetings. Am I the only one who's taking this seriously? Or does everyone else think it's just a for fun thing to sing songs and have fun on stage? Fuck this shit.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Fighting It
Amran and I recently went to Phuket and by right we should still be in Phuket right now at this very moment. But my panic attacks overwhelmed me and we had to cut short our trip and return to Singapore earlier. Lots of money was wasted, as Amran still had to pay 100% of hotel charges for the remaining 4 nights. We also had to pay an extra $300 to change the dates of our flights. My anxiety disorder got the better of me during the trip I have to admit. I suppose it was too many things combined, what with me going on a new medication for the mind and being in a strange foreign land at the same time. Too stressful.
We did have some fun during the 3 days we spent there though. Or at least during the day when I wasn't as panicky as in the night.
While waiting to board the plane, we camwhored.
The hotel we stayed in was super awesome and well-stocked. They had every imaginable thing, chips, drinks, and as you can see here, even condoms, menstruation pads, talcum powder, and check this out, KY Lubricant for anal sex! No we did not use it. :)
Not only was the room super well-stocked, it wasn't just a room too! It was linked to our very own living room with a sofa, HD TV, DVD Player and a balcony! All for under $150/night. How awesome is that??
Amran takes a smoke in the balcony. As you can see, I am not standing there with him and is inside the living room behind the shut doors taking this photo as I DO NOT SMOKE ANYMORE!
Our comfy cosy bed. Guess what I was doing with the map? Circling all the available hospitals in Phuket. (By the way during our 3 day stay in Phuket, I rushed to two hospitals there, once on our second night, and once on our way to the airport on the last day, all thanks to my stupid panic attacks and overwhelming paranoia.)
Our room number on a cute elephant wooden board!
This is the view from this side of the room. Too serene! This calming view from different sides of the hotel really did help calm my nerves and panic attacks a great deal.
The simple and unassuming grocery store opposite our hotel.
Where we stayed, Hilltop Hotel. It's an absolutely absolutely awesome hotel with great service and a great view to boot. You know where to stay should you visit Patong! :D Only inconvenience is that it really is on a hilltop and getting around could be quite a bitch for some. But choose this hotel for its serenity!
This is the beginning of our long walk down the hill to get to town.
On and on we go!
Swarm of gnats at the bottom of the hill.
The beginning of our journey up the hill. It really does look like an entrance to some mysterious enchanted forest doesn't it! :D
Amran takes a nice candid picture of me taking in the Thailand air. Not like it's the freshest air around. So I don't quite remember what I was actually doing. Haha.
One of the many roadside stalls. No we didn't try any food from these stalls. We already got tummy aches eating at restaurants and cafes! Don't think our stomaches are strong enough for food from these stalls.
There are such shops everywhere in Phuket that sell such trashy clothes and lingerie. Sex is truly big there. (To Lim Jia Yi: I bought something for you from one of these shops! Hehehe..)
I love the guitar and the signboard of this pub! So damn cute!
Love the name of this salon too! Thais really have a knack for giving their businesses real simple and straightforward names. :D So simple and unassuming! <3
I was immensely cheered when I saw that we stayed relatively near to this building. Yes this is the first hospital I visited, immediately after a manicure which should have gone well. Nuff said.
Motorcycling is the most common way of travelling in Thailand as they're cheap and efficient enough.
My first meal in Phuket and of course it's Tom Yam soup. Unfortunately I've had even better soup in Singapore. The soup was very much toned down in terms of spiciness and flavour in order to suit the huge influx of ang moh tourists there. This was at their largest shopping centre, Jungceylon, and everything was really westernized. But we got to savour some authentic Thai food at other small restaurants.
This huge alien figurine is made entirely of old motorcycle parts, twisted and hammered with love into this work of art.
There is also a giant Predator, positioned in such a way that it looks like it's fighting the alien.
There are many of such tattoo parlours lying in every nook and cranny of Phuket and they mostly look this makeshift. Would you do a tattoo at one of these shops?
I found it hilarious that they had to include that disclaimer, "No Sex"! Boo hoo!
There's really no point for these "zebra crossings". Really no point at all. We crossed at our own risk. :D
Savouring the best pineapple rice I've ever eaten at one of the smaller restaurants I was talking about. Yum!!
This is my first time sitting in a tuk tuk. It was alright.
For the second and the third day, I wasn't really in the mood for taking pictures. Quite a waste actually, but it definitely won't be my last visit to Phuket.
We did have some fun during the 3 days we spent there though. Or at least during the day when I wasn't as panicky as in the night.
While waiting to board the plane, we camwhored.
The hotel we stayed in was super awesome and well-stocked. They had every imaginable thing, chips, drinks, and as you can see here, even condoms, menstruation pads, talcum powder, and check this out, KY Lubricant for anal sex! No we did not use it. :)
Not only was the room super well-stocked, it wasn't just a room too! It was linked to our very own living room with a sofa, HD TV, DVD Player and a balcony! All for under $150/night. How awesome is that??
Amran takes a smoke in the balcony. As you can see, I am not standing there with him and is inside the living room behind the shut doors taking this photo as I DO NOT SMOKE ANYMORE!
Our comfy cosy bed. Guess what I was doing with the map? Circling all the available hospitals in Phuket. (By the way during our 3 day stay in Phuket, I rushed to two hospitals there, once on our second night, and once on our way to the airport on the last day, all thanks to my stupid panic attacks and overwhelming paranoia.)
Our room number on a cute elephant wooden board!
This is the view from this side of the room. Too serene! This calming view from different sides of the hotel really did help calm my nerves and panic attacks a great deal.
The simple and unassuming grocery store opposite our hotel.
Where we stayed, Hilltop Hotel. It's an absolutely absolutely awesome hotel with great service and a great view to boot. You know where to stay should you visit Patong! :D Only inconvenience is that it really is on a hilltop and getting around could be quite a bitch for some. But choose this hotel for its serenity!
This is the beginning of our long walk down the hill to get to town.
On and on we go!
Swarm of gnats at the bottom of the hill.
The beginning of our journey up the hill. It really does look like an entrance to some mysterious enchanted forest doesn't it! :D
Amran takes a nice candid picture of me taking in the Thailand air. Not like it's the freshest air around. So I don't quite remember what I was actually doing. Haha.
One of the many roadside stalls. No we didn't try any food from these stalls. We already got tummy aches eating at restaurants and cafes! Don't think our stomaches are strong enough for food from these stalls.
There are such shops everywhere in Phuket that sell such trashy clothes and lingerie. Sex is truly big there. (To Lim Jia Yi: I bought something for you from one of these shops! Hehehe..)
I love the guitar and the signboard of this pub! So damn cute!
Love the name of this salon too! Thais really have a knack for giving their businesses real simple and straightforward names. :D So simple and unassuming! <3
I was immensely cheered when I saw that we stayed relatively near to this building. Yes this is the first hospital I visited, immediately after a manicure which should have gone well. Nuff said.
Motorcycling is the most common way of travelling in Thailand as they're cheap and efficient enough.
My first meal in Phuket and of course it's Tom Yam soup. Unfortunately I've had even better soup in Singapore. The soup was very much toned down in terms of spiciness and flavour in order to suit the huge influx of ang moh tourists there. This was at their largest shopping centre, Jungceylon, and everything was really westernized. But we got to savour some authentic Thai food at other small restaurants.
This huge alien figurine is made entirely of old motorcycle parts, twisted and hammered with love into this work of art.
There is also a giant Predator, positioned in such a way that it looks like it's fighting the alien.
There are many of such tattoo parlours lying in every nook and cranny of Phuket and they mostly look this makeshift. Would you do a tattoo at one of these shops?
I found it hilarious that they had to include that disclaimer, "No Sex"! Boo hoo!
There's really no point for these "zebra crossings". Really no point at all. We crossed at our own risk. :D
Savouring the best pineapple rice I've ever eaten at one of the smaller restaurants I was talking about. Yum!!
This is my first time sitting in a tuk tuk. It was alright.
For the second and the third day, I wasn't really in the mood for taking pictures. Quite a waste actually, but it definitely won't be my last visit to Phuket.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
2009 2010
It’s the first day of 2010 and I’ve already experienced something major in my life. I was just diagnosed with hypochondriasis or anxiety disorder. After a panic attack this afternoon which left me crying for 4 hours straight, I took my good friend, Adam’s, advice and went to IMH in a cab with my mum. Like what Adam said, IMH was a really calm and serene place, which did help to calm me down. The psychiatrist said that it was serotonin imbalance (just like what Adam predicted), and I need to take two kinds of medicine. The first one helps to regulate my serotonin levels. I have to take that every night. And the second one supposedly helps to calm myself down when I am having a panic attack. I really hope the medicine works. Then it would mean that I am not suffering from anything more severe, such as a clot in the heart. That would also mean that I can soon see the end of my misery. (Hopefully.)
I am in pretty good spirits now though, for the first time in what feels like forever. In times like this, I can really tell who the people who really care for me are. And I am so lucky that there are so many of such people who care so much for me. Today, when Jueling found out that I was going to IMH because of a panic attack, she came all the way down even though she actually had another appointment. And she accompanied me all the way till the end. There’s also Adam who was always there to assure me that everything would be alright, and advised me on what to do. Even though my mum can be rather harsh with her words, she showed her care by accompanying me throughout and paying for my medical bills without hesitation. Needless to say, Amran was there too.
Apart from all these wonderful people, there are other people who listened to my problems and helped to assure me during my paranoid moments also, such as Fel, Cindy, and Xiang. I know I can always count on them. Mel as well, who often smsed me to encourage me. As irritating as my brother can be, I know that he cares greatly for me too. He knew I was having bad dreams and bought a dream catcher for me. Not that I actually believed in things like that most times, but his thoughtfulness really touched me. I am truly so damn lucky and blessed to have all these people right by my side, always supporting me, always giving me strength.
If there was one thing I have to thank God for giving me in 2009, apart from surviving, it is this, having people that love me. It is truly the greatest thing one can ever have, to love and be loved in return. It is because of such unconditional love from these people that I can pull through all these rough spots in life. On my part, I hope that I can help them in every way I can when they are having their own problems and I know that I will.
I am happy to have survived 2009 and I hope to be able to pull through 2010. Meanwhile, I have some new resolutions which I hope to upkeep and not to forget. Quit most of my bad habits such as biting my fingers, and smoking (already quit actually), eat more fruits and drink more water, maintain a proper beauty, health, and exercise regime, not take Amran for granted so much because he is one of the best things to happen to me, and be as positive as I can. 2009 has taught me countless lessons and I know 2010 will as well, perhaps gentler or perhaps more painful. But what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger, and I must stay alive.
I am in pretty good spirits now though, for the first time in what feels like forever. In times like this, I can really tell who the people who really care for me are. And I am so lucky that there are so many of such people who care so much for me. Today, when Jueling found out that I was going to IMH because of a panic attack, she came all the way down even though she actually had another appointment. And she accompanied me all the way till the end. There’s also Adam who was always there to assure me that everything would be alright, and advised me on what to do. Even though my mum can be rather harsh with her words, she showed her care by accompanying me throughout and paying for my medical bills without hesitation. Needless to say, Amran was there too.
Apart from all these wonderful people, there are other people who listened to my problems and helped to assure me during my paranoid moments also, such as Fel, Cindy, and Xiang. I know I can always count on them. Mel as well, who often smsed me to encourage me. As irritating as my brother can be, I know that he cares greatly for me too. He knew I was having bad dreams and bought a dream catcher for me. Not that I actually believed in things like that most times, but his thoughtfulness really touched me. I am truly so damn lucky and blessed to have all these people right by my side, always supporting me, always giving me strength.
If there was one thing I have to thank God for giving me in 2009, apart from surviving, it is this, having people that love me. It is truly the greatest thing one can ever have, to love and be loved in return. It is because of such unconditional love from these people that I can pull through all these rough spots in life. On my part, I hope that I can help them in every way I can when they are having their own problems and I know that I will.
I am happy to have survived 2009 and I hope to be able to pull through 2010. Meanwhile, I have some new resolutions which I hope to upkeep and not to forget. Quit most of my bad habits such as biting my fingers, and smoking (already quit actually), eat more fruits and drink more water, maintain a proper beauty, health, and exercise regime, not take Amran for granted so much because he is one of the best things to happen to me, and be as positive as I can. 2009 has taught me countless lessons and I know 2010 will as well, perhaps gentler or perhaps more painful. But what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger, and I must stay alive.
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