Ask Me And I'd Say Yes

I am truly blessed to have a man who loves me so deeply. Not only does he make me laugh and spend enjoyable time with me, he supports me in everything that I do and is there for me for both trial and celebration. I am truly very blessed and I absolutely cannot imagine myself being with any other person. I don’t ever want to stop loving him and I fear the day that he might leave me. Being a very paranoid person myself, I often imagine the thousands of different ways he can leave me, such as running off with a hotter model-ish woman, simply not wanting to be with me anymore because I am too childish, or even dying on me.

Him dying on me is probably one of my greatest fears in life. Every time he doesn’t answer my calls for a long time, waves of paranoia and fear often hit me. I would start imagining that he got into a car accident, or died of a cardiac arrest in his sleep. Just these thoughts alone would make me tear a little bit. I seriously will not be able to take the trauma and the pain. I imagine that it would be like as if a part of my body is being torn off ruthlessly, with no painkillers, no cutting tools, just torn off by some great machine. The great machine of life and death perhaps.

Sometimes I cannot help but wonder why such an awesome guy like he would love a stupid little girl like me. He is so grown up, financially stable, and amazingly talented, while I’m still bumming around, going to school, and throwing childish tantrums. Yet he takes it all! He takes all my spats and temperaments, he always tries to appease me when I become unreasonably upset with him, he always does his best to make me happy. If I am sad or frightened, he will do everything to make things alright for me. Even when he has work early the next morning, and I am having one of my stupid panic attacks in the middle of the night, he will wake up, hold my hand, and stay up with me until I’m okay.

I can never find another man like this. I know it in my heart. I know that he is the one for me.